Two for Two (and...how my students rock my socks off)

I am sitting on my sofa like a proud mama. Even though I am often proud of the people in my life, I am sitting here today with a huge amount of pride (the good kind) for my middle school students. 

Last spring, I was on Twitter perusing though the many people I follow, when I came across one of my fellow youth director's tweets; it was about an event his church was having. This event was an outreach for new students. You see those students who already frequented the youth program were to choose a friend to spend the night, compete in some challenges, and then bring them to church the next morning. 

Brilliant! I thought. In fact, I was like, "shoot Sara, how come you didn't think of this??!" So I immediately decided that we would do this same sort of event, first thing in the fall. And... that is exactly what we did! 

I prayed about it, thought at length about it, talked it up, shouted it out, emailed it, tweeted it, and had it grace my Facebook only 100 or so times. (Ok maybe not quite that many) And last Saturday and Sunday, Grace Middle School Ministries had its very first Two for Two event! That is, Two friends, for Two days, trying to sweep a (the) competition! It was incredible...let me tell you why. 

It was not only a huge amount of fun for our students and their friends, getting to do some crazy and awesome challenges, but for their parents as well - as they took photographs and got to watch it all take place. And even though the fun almost trumped and took the 'win', what our students did, as a part of the bigger picture, was the real win. 

One mom told me that her daughter, as she was trying to decide which friend to she would participate with, really thought through the decision. You see, the rules were that you needed to compete with someone who did not regularly attend our Sunday morning program, SYNC. Well, this 8th grader choose a friend, who not only did not attend our church, but didn't have a church of her own, to call home. She could have easily picked her best friend, or someone she was a little closer with, who already, and regularly attended another church. 

Another mom told me that her son had chosen a friend that also did not have a church to call home - not only that, but he hadn't ever really been to church. This young man came, and not only had a great time, but is interested in getting to know what church is all about. And what cannot go without mentioning is, that this mom, has agreed to pick him up ANYTIME he wants to come to church, in the future. 

Here is the thing my friends. We talk all the time about evangelism, "Hey kids, parents, people... go tell others about Jesus," "share the scriptures," "tell them about the Gospel," and while this is hugely important, it can be really intimidating. I in fact, even as a youth director, find it really hard to "evangelize" outside of my normal christian bubble (which then might not even be considered as evangelism). But what our students did, how they shared their faith, was so simple... AND incredible. 

Our students invited their peers to enter into their life, to come and walk alongside them. And even if it was just for an 18 hour time period, they planted a seed in the life of a friend, that could one day grow into to something amazing. I think a lot of students (and older folks too), hear the word evangelism and either have no clue what it means, or they think of that crazy street preacher hitting people on the head with a Bible. Or perhaps, it is this thing that Christians are supposed to do, but it is too scary, intimidating, or abstract of an idea. 

But working in a church, and hearing the passion that our Outreach Pastor has when he talks about this very thing, I think our students hit it right on the head (and not with their Bibles). They extended an invitation (with intention) to someone in their circle of influence, to come inside their life, and see what it's about and with no pressure or expectation. 

What an example they have made, and how high a bar they have set. I think if we could just see past that guy preaching on the corner, and those vague ideas about sharing the Gospel, we might actually have the courage to do exactly what our students did last weekend. And that is, in the most simple of forms, just inviting someone you know, that needs our incredible Jesus, to enter your world. Letting them see how you live, how you love, what you value, and how you treat others. This too is evangelism, and perhaps, in my opinion, one of the very best ways to go about it. 

Ahhhhhhh. I love learning things from my students. Go middle schoolers - you rock my socks off! 

Will You Save Me a Seat?

I beeped my car, grabbed the rolls, and headed to the front door. I felt a wave of anxiety as I approached the house, I even felt a bit awkward and out of my element. I heard the sound of the dog barking, and took a deep breath as the door opened. 

....

It was about five months earlier, when I was in the deep of planning for our incredible summer missions project, that I was sitting in my office amongst papers and in the slue of an already 12 hour work day, that I had a life and ministry changing revelation.  

It occurred to me that in the hustle and bustle of the last couple of months, that I had not been spending very much time with students, and spending much more time in my office. I even began to cry a little, because often times, and I am not sure about you other YP's out there, but I get overwhelmed by my office time and by the end of the day I am so spent, that doing the thing that I love the most (hanging with students) doesn't get to happen. Youth Ministry is not a 9-5 kind of job, if you are in this field you know that. But for many of us, if we do not monitor our time in ministry, it begins to rule our lives, and the rest of 'us' begins to suffer. Balance is a weighted word, and not just for Ministry professionals, but for many professionals out there. 

That day I sat there in my mind playing back the past three years (that is how long I have been at my current church). And in those three years, the majority of my time has (and please do not gasp) has not been spent with students, it has been spent in my office. Now of course, this does not include events, outings, or retreats - but I spend (and this is just brutal honesty here) very little time building relationships/discipling students. But let me just just say, here and now, it has not been because I have not desired to. I, like most, even my co-worker in the office next to me doing HS Min, feel the constant pressure to be all and do all - planning over the top events, doing administrative work, making sure that our main program is in top shape, preparing lessons, equipping leaders, emailing parents, AND finding the time to do the most IMPORTANT part of our job, walking with students (and see that all of it happens, and happens with excellence). 

So, I had to ask myself a question? What is more important, the Gnome Scavenger Hunt or Discipling Students? And the answer is, both. What a hard place to be, I thought. For the most part, and like many youth ministries out there, we are short staffed, and a staff run program all in one. We need to have events, we need to have a great program, and we need disciple students. But that day in my office, I felt at a loss - because if I devote myself to one, another suffers, if I spread myself over all, they all suffer.  But at the end of the day, I had to ask myself, why are you in youth ministry Sara? And even though there are many things that my job require, that I can do, and do well, they are not the reason I wanted to, and felt called to be in ministry. 

The reason I wanted to be in ministry, with this age-group of students, is because I want them to know who Jesus is. I wanted to be able to walk alongside them during these three years in middle school, which we all know is a crazy time, and help them to build and shape their faith. How does this happen? Well it happens with the lesson on Sunday, it happens with the help of small group leaders, it happens when students feel at home during events, and in many other big and small ways. But here is the kicker, it also happens (in a HUGE way) when we get to step right into their lives (outside of church). I have seen this example, and the impact it has on a student, when their leader steps into THEIR lives - is monumental.  

I no longer want to just see and hear about this impact, or hear stories of winning touchdowns, or family game nights - I want to be a part of them. I want to truly be in the lives of our students. I want to know them personally, I want to be involved in their lives, outside of Sunday.  I want to get to know them right where they are, at home, at their games, at their activities etc. I believe that part of knowing a student, is also knowing their family. We are in this together, and the things that help to shape a student's faith, that help them to know Jesus, well they begin, at home. 

So this year, we are doing something different. This year we doing something that will feel and does completely foreign to me, and to our families. This year I am going relying more heavily on my volunteers to become significant voices in the lives of students. This year we are having fewer events, and the ones we are having, are being done with an even more specific purpose and position. This year I am going to get to know my people, my students and their families. This year I am hoping to see winning touchdowns, bench time, the sound of choral voices, your messy living room, your teens bulletin board, and your dog Fluffy. 

This year, I need parents to share the sports schedules, the dance schedules, the performance times. I need families to invite me to dinner, to the picnic on Saturday, or to Sunday Lunch. This year, I want, I NEED my sweet families to invite me into their lives. I want them to know me, and likewise, I want to know them.  We are in this journey, at least for three years (hopefully more), together. I am praying they will let me. 
....

As the door opened I was greeted with the warmest of welcomes. I walked in and began my first dinner, in three years of ministry, with a wonderful family.  We had pork chops for dinner, my first cherry pie for dessert, and a game of cards to top off the evening. The food was fantastic, the conversation was funny and delightful, but most of all, the time I got to spend with the Kikers, was something I won't forget. I saw them as a family, unique and special. I got to see them love each other and experience them love on me. They got to hear all about my just beginning adventure with seminary and my hopes and love of this wonderful MS Min. I got to not just know their MS son better, but also, their elementary daughter. I heard about their family traditions, their favorite things, and just got to know a side of them I never would have, at an event or on a Sunday morning. 

I can plan events with my eyes closed, I am great with details, I can even write a Sunday morning lesson - these are things I KNOW. But getting to KNOW a family, even though it was out of my element, was one of the best things in ministry, I have ever known. 

I am thankful and so grateful for my first family dinner. I left knowing that even though we are changing up things a bit, this is exactly how it is supposed to be. 

Faith, Sports, and the Hearts of Our Children

Before I begin this post I want to say that I am not a parent, as in I do not have my own flesh and blood children that I have to make decisions, HARD decisions for every day. I have not had the personal experience myself, both growing up, nor as an adult as to what this blog entails. But what I do have is a group of high school and middle school students that I see each Sunday (often times more than that) that I care deeply for. And this blog is not just for them, it is because of them, and for their parents.

Sports. I did not grow up in Houston, or in Texas for that matter, and the role that sports played in my 40,000-person town, was NOTHING like it is now or here. I have a hard time distinguishing whether the current role sports plays in the lives of children is a product of the time or place or both. Regardless, growing up - the role sports played in my life, the lives of those around me, etc. - was nothing like it is now.

Let me first say that I think sports are great. Seriously. I know after reading this post you might think I am one of those people who would become a parent that would keep their kid on the sofa watching TV all day, but I am not.

Over the past three years in youth ministry I have seen and heard some crazy things. But recently, I heard something that ABSOLUTELY blew my mind, heart, and soul out of the water. A student, a kindhearted, funny, joyful student, who was an outstanding, all star (multi-sport) player, was held back a grade (in middle school) so that they could be the bigger, stronger, better player on the team, the next year; getting the opportunity to play another year of middle school sports, and ultimately getting another year of high school sports. 

I have known this amazing student for just over a year; however, seeing them only a few times throughout our first meeting, and this past one. Last year, after spending a week with this precious kiddo, I placed them in that 'wow, that is one amazing student' category and hoped they would become a full time part of our youth ministry. Well, time passed by, and I just only recently had the chance to catch up with this student.  This student was completely different. Not just your regular middle school changes in stature or behavior, but it was like someone had come in and switched that wonderful light in them, that I saw almost a year ago, off - and they were now misbehaving, acting out, looking saddened, and crying for attention.

I had no idea what was going on until I was told about how this student had been pulled out of their school, away from friends, away from teammates, away from the familiar, and held back, put in the same grade, at a new school, with new people, and lots of change. A lifestyle that was comfortable and familiar, perfect as it was, was then filled with a different sport each day, no time with best friends, or even dinner around the table.

I cannot even imagine.

This one instance placed a great fear inside my heart for students (both now and going forward). However, I have been privy to many of other the conflicts that arise between church time, family time, and sports time. If we just took a look at church and Sunday attendance alone, we would see that Sunday is no longer the last remaining sacred day of the week - meaning, even if every other day of the week was taken up by sports, school, extracurricular activities... Sunday, for the longest time, seemed to remain free and sacred, for family and church time. But this is just no longer the case.

Students can hardly even be free for a weeklong, in town, missions experience without having to leave at some point for something else (usually sports related). AND what makes me the most sad about that situation - is if given the choice, without pressure, or a predisposition that they would be missing out on something greater, more important, every student that I encountered during a recent missions experience, did NOT want to leave.

Hang in here with me for just a second longer....

Kids are so overwhelmed with the pressure to be in sports (by their parents, by their peers, by their coaches, by themselves) that if they miss the opportunity to be in sports, it's as if they are an oddball, left out of the crowd. It doesn't matter that a family might have to make the choice between keeping a summer lake house that has been in the family for years, or have two of their daughters play club volleyball at the price tag of $4000 per year, per kid. That price is for ONE, just one club sport. That doesn't even include all of the extras you encounter for that year (travel, new uniforms, competitions...etc.). Now take that and multiply it by 2 other sport, per kid (because one is not usually all they play), and now you are up to per kid, more than some college tuition.

I might be the only person in all of Houston who thinks this is absolutely absurd, but I think it is ABSOLUTELY ABSURD.

And here is the deal my friends (whom I love, and whose children play all kinds of sports) we put so much time and effort into our children's schedules, filling them with basketball, football, ballet, acting, violin lessons, cheer leading, etc., because we do not want our kids to be overweight, lazy, or unsuccessful. And then we also tell our children that having faith is important, and we take them to church 1.2 Sundays a month - where as a family (maybe) we connect with a community of faith (filled with others who we maybe see 1/7 Sundays, because their schedule is just as crazy as ours). Then sometimes, we even send our kids on retreats or mission trips. So then at the end of the day, our children are supposed to be well mannered, upstanding, trophy winners, who will all play division one sports, be a team player, go to college, earn a degree, and most importantly, love Jesus with all that they are.

Did you know?

1 out of every 16,000 students will play professional sports. Only 2 out of every 100 students will play ANY COLLEGE SPORTS at all.

Also.

Only 4 out of 10 students will have an active growing faith beyond high school.

Why?

At the end of the day we put more emphasis on our children's schedules than their hearts. We get so caught up in the whirlwind of being busy that we cannot see that there is something so much more important at stake. Parents, you tell me all the time how much you want your children to know and love Jesus. And I believe that you do. But I also believe that in order for that to happen we are ALL going to have to start asking some serious questions.

At the end of the day what is going to make or break your child's heart and soul? Is it sports? Is it faith? It is no longer, nor has it ever been enough to just drop your student off at church and expect that they will gain a growing faith in CHRIST (who ultimately is the most important factor in the eternity of your child). For the majority, we cannot expect that if what we want (our child to know and have a growing faith in Jesus) that it will happen because of club volleyball or one more year in pre-college sports. It has to be so much more than that. (Another blog for sure)

Tough thoughts for all of us significant voices...parents, coaches, and youth leaders alike.

In HIS love,
Sara

Devastatingly Beautiful

This past Sunday I had the privilege of teaching my Middle Schoolers about Jesus - and you might already be thinking "You're a Youth Pastor, don't you talk about Him all the time?" Well, to answer your question, yes, but this past week and the next 6 are a bit different. We are diving much deeper into the life, death, and resurrection of Christ - which by the way I am completely excited about and have not ever had quite the opportunity.  Any way- one of the questions I asked my students this week was...

"What is the Gospel?"

One student said "the story of Jesus" and other said "those four books at the beginning of the New Testament" - both answers are correct but I went on to say that I had put some thought into it and here is what I came up with:

"The Gospel is the message of God's unyielding love for an undeserving people."

An unyielding, unrelenting, unconditional, blind kind of love for an undeserving, judgmental, proud, life of harlotry... kind of people.

What a crazy idea. What a crazy kind of love.

Yesterday I sat at Starbucks, enjoying my afternoon sabbatical where I was working through THIS week's lesson, my application to The Bible Seminary... mixed in with emails, Facebook, and returning calls. 

It was a nice day, so I decided to forgo my usual indoor table and move outside. I quickly discovered that like the spot located directly outside of baggage claim at the airport, Starbucks too was a place where people liked to enjoy a good smoke. Of course I was immediately put off and wanted to go inside, but it was just far too cold as usual, and the day was far to nice as 'un'usual.  So, at the little silver table I would stay.

Over the course of 30 minutes I probably tweeted half a dozen times about my funny surroundings: Older Gentlemen in the corvette taking photos of people, the girl with the extra small booty shorts, the large number of smokers, and last but not least, "tank top guy (who was also smoking) with the hairy chest - giving me the 'eye'!"

I found myself thinking about hairy-tank-top-guy and thinking less and less of him as the moments past by - and more and more of myself. I was like "Why does this guy keep giving me the eye...as if I would ever be interested..." "He is smoking for crying out loud, and that tank top??! You cannot be serious."

So after several people had come and gone from his table - (shorts girl, the main barista, and another gal) -I  found myself on a call with my good friend. I was talking on my earbuds and at one point Mon was talking for you know about 45 seconds - so it seemed as if I was no longer on the call. Well at that moment, hairy-tank-top-guy says to me, "Are you still on your call? If so, can I speak with you when you are finished?" And I responded with a 'polite' nod.

So after I lingered for a few moments longer on my call I hesitantly hit the end button - and followed that by, "hello, there."

"Hello." he said.
"I do not want you to think I am some creeper or anything, and I know it is completely random and  here we are at Starbucks - but I have just been really needing to tell you that I think that you are devastatingly beautiful."

"Huh?" I said.

"Well I have just been sitting here and I kept hoping all those people would just leave me alone because I just knew I had to tell you - and I know this might seem forward, and I see you're packing up to leave, but I would love to give you my phone number."

"Uhh (and let me just point out that THIS sort of thing NEVER happens to me) ... pause. You know, thank you. Honestly, that is a lovely compliment, one of the best ever - but I am really not in a position to take your number, I'm sorry. But what I do what to tell you is that this is all so ironic for me, because of your compliment... I mean - and this is random I know, but I actually gave up make-up for Lent."

"No way! That is so awesome. So you are a Christian? Me too!"

I go on to tell him that I am a Youth Pastor at Grace and how much I love my job...

He then tells me all about his church, and his experience with CHURCH overall - and how it's been really hard for him, because he feels like Christians and Churches are so judgmental. How his tattoos his past always define him, even though he has been completely renewed and redeemed in the Lord... "Like a drowning man I was saved,"- he commented.   He said the church he goes to, "The Waters Church" in Katy is all about non-perfect people, serving a perfect God. How he plays in the band, and how living for the Lord is the best and biggest part of his life.

Deep breath.

I sat, my heart feeling like it was going to be overwhelmed with embarrassment and shame. I had been less than 5 feet away from him for the last 2 hours, filled with judgment, pride, and anything but grace.

The book of Matthew, the first book of the Gospel, among Mark, Luke and John, tell the stories of a Man who came to love the unloved, the undeserving. The Gospel tells story after story about how Jesus spent time with people who were tatted-up, hairy-chested, and tank-top wearing. People with pasts, people with mistakes, people who no one else ever sees, or if they are seen, they are treated much like the Leper - as unclean and unworthy of their time.

Sounds pretty familiar.

Thank goodness for the Gospel, and thank goodness for this Matthew- whose life has been made new in Jesus. It is so easy to dismiss people, to be judgmental, to overlook and be self-absorbed. Can you imagine if Jesus was like that?

I am completely humbled by the fierce and unyielding love - especially because it was for those that were, ARE always overlooked.

This interaction between Matthew and myself is all to common in my 'churchy' world. In that moment I was no better than those people that Jesus warned and taught against. Far too often we are all like that. Thankfully we have a God who is better than we are, better than I am for sure, and we also have the story of a Man who helped us see fully this love.

So, what is the Gospel?

It is the devastatingly beautiful story of a man named Matthew who in the end ended up teaching me far more about that unyielding love, than I was ever was prepared to offer to him. Intention or not, (perhaps that plan should be only known to God) Matthew is the Gospel and helped me to understand it far more clearly than I ever have before.

Who do you not see? Who do you overlook? Would your church accept people like Matthew? I sure am asking myself the same questions.

*note - to be called devastatingly beautiful, without my make-up by a stranger, was crazy - and even though he meant it as a normal gal liking dude - I do feel like Jesus is so at work IN EVERYTHING about my life right now, and this was NO accident by any stretch.

AMEN.

Unfinished and Face to Face with the Fridge Again.

"Hit me baby one more....."

"What doesn't kill you makes you..."

"My heart's a..."

"And Iiiii, will always loooove ...."

"Don't stop..."

So I am on day five of my no make-up for Lent quest (with the flu no less) and today I am feeling as what I can best describe as - like an unfinished lyric. I did have the day off so I wasn't really forced to leave the house, or do my hair, or put on something cute - but still when looking at myself in the mirror, I find myself feeling... unfinished.

This idea of being 'finished' is something that resonates deeply within me. Why you might ask? Well, because I would say in general I am a 'put together' person (even when things are falling apart). I also am the kind of person who has to has to have resolution at work, in conflict, with change, at the end of a long day. Things must always be resolved, finished. I will also say on the flip side of that I have found myself for a large portion of my adult life being much more of a starter and not a finisher - it is always a catch 22.

But this idea of being unfinished and feeling the discomfort that comes along with it, well I think it is rooted far deeper than just not finishing a project or needing to resolve a conflict. I think it is rooted deeply in our need to feel complete, and doing whatever it takes in our lives to make ourselves 'whole'.

We fill and fill our lives with all kinds of stuff; maybe it is food, or technology, new shoes, or that fancy car or that new two story condo - we fill and replace one thing with another... the this is no longer new so I now need a that, to stay current, to look good, to hold my status, to feel apart of, to whatever... Fill, buy, change, rearrange - all to satisfy our need to be complete, to be whole. And when we are faced to go without- we then find ourselves...... looking in the mirror thinking, "Ok, well I guess that is just going to have to do...unfinished."

But why, why the need to be "complete"? And when did we get the idea that we could EVER be the one, or that some THING could be the one to fill that need, to make us complete, whole, finished?

I have just started the book, A 1000 Gifts - and loving it so far, but the author said something quite novel about our need to have control, to fill our lives with whatever WE want, whenever WE want it. She is talking about the ever famous Garden, where our lives would be changed forever -all because we need to 'be in control' of our completeness, our knowledge.  She says, "We are hungry. We eat. We are filled...and emptied."

This is poetic to the point that it grips tightly to my heart. This is exactly the problem. We are always thirsting for more, what will be next, what will fill our lives. So then we see something and grab it and nom nom nom on it like it is going to be the end all to our hunger. And for a short while it is - like a great meal at the China Buffet - we are filled to the brim. But no matter the fill from that carb-loaded, short lived food baby - we find ourselves standing face to face with the fridge once again, and it's only a few short hours later.

I think this perfectly illustrates what we do to ourselves by trying to fill our lives with things that we believe will make us 'mo betta, mo complete, mo mo of everything'.

So what does this have to do with feeling like an unfinished song lyric? Well, for me make-up has been a long sense of security and a huge defining thing when I consider who I am, how people see me, and how I fill myself with a sense of worth. At the end (of this) the day I sit here in my blue chair thinking - sweet mother of mascara how I miss thee. I am/have already gone through my normal Lenten notions and thoughts of 'replacing' ...such as: I MUST be tan before I go on my girls trip at the end of March, and panicking over not being able to find my newly purchased acne cream (for my one pimple)...

So here I stand, face to face with the fridge thinking, "man I am starving!"

But - and here is the catch (and a painful one at that) I know, I KNOW with full certainty that no amount of mascara can fill or satisfy my soul - no matter the compliments it earns me, or how finished it makes me feel at the end of my morning routine.  Because ultimately, even though if for a short time it has done its job to satisfy my feelings of completeness -  it will never, nor can it ever REPLACE His job. Nothing will ever satisfy our hunger like knowing we are only, and always made complete in One thing, and One thing only.

Jesus.

And every time we put our wholeness, our sense of being finished or complete in anything but Him - we will always go through the cycle of being hungry, being fed, being filled... and ultimately emptied again.

So, for day 5 I am learning to lean on HIS completeness - praying that even with every breath of unfinished that I feel - that I can continue to hold tight to His promise that has already been finished just for me. And as my friend Marcy reminded me today, "You are beautifully and wonderfully made" and that is not because of the mascara I do OR DON'T wear, it is because of the love of my Savior.

Lent: "I have to do what?!"

Lent. Formerly know to me as the 40 days my mom gives up sweets - well except those 'peanut butter things from the DQ'... No but seriously. It occurred to me that I never REALLY thought about what it meant to participate the ritual sacrificing of something for Lent - and even better yet, the reasoning behind it.

My precious Mimi gives up chocolate every year, so when I was a teen I thought I should do the same. When I was in college I would give up soda, and in more recent years I have 'given-up' things like Starbucks, Fast Food, etc. Sometimes I would succeed and sometimes, most times I would end up quitting half way through. Anyway, so naturally as I awoke this Lenten morning I thought to myself, "Sara- it is Ash Wednesday - the beginning of Lent, what the heck are we going to try to give up this year?" This thought was followed by, "eh- I think nothing, I will just grab that drink from Starby's in a fit of desperation and lack of discipline in about 3 weeks anyway... so, good morning it's Wednesday!"

But and despite all my efforts to forget that it was this Ashy day God just kept tapping my shoulder - not saying anything specific, BUT specific in cause... tap... tap... tap... Lent.. Lent ... Lent. I even went as far as to ask Eric to talk about this important day in our Middle School Chapel service this morning because I just did not want to think about it - didn't know enough about it... just did not want to Lent it up.  Well, just as soon as I asked him to speak, on said topic, I went back into my office and there it was in my email - an article on the purpose, position, and the portion you gain from participating in the 40 days Lent.

Over the course of the afternoon I began to think about this Lenten quest, the times I have failed it before, and what, if anything I would sacrifice for 40 days. You see the thing is even when I have given something up in the past it always seems to be replaced by something else... So no soda, that's ok you can have iced tea. No Starbucks, well there is that Sonic right around the corner. No chocolate, well shoot how about one of those 'peanut butter things from the DQ'. 

The 40 days of Lent are meant to be a time of true sacrifice. Like the article I read today said, it should push you to the limits of your faith, strengthening your faith muscles, so that when you become desperate the one thing thing that you cling to is God. In my previous Lent participation's, I was doing a lot of REPLACING and not a lot of RELYING on God. I had it all wrong.

Now that I understood this I knew that whatever I was to sacrifice had to actually be a sacrifice for me. This is hard. I live in a world of not needing things, of being able to eat out when I want, going on vacations every once in a while, having a Starbucks Gold card, the unlimited AT&T data plan - I truly want for nothing. I feel completely satisfied and have not ever lived a life of sacrifice. And while I feel utterly overwhelmed by the amount of blessings and provisions I have had in my life it makes it hard to understand true sacrifice.

So then I asked myself, "what is something in your life that you could give up, that could not be replaced by something else, that would cause you to feel desperation for God in a way like never before, what do you place security in, what do you value, what is something that might define you...?"

And - like a hot flash in the midst of winter, and with already complete anxiety over just typing the words now, it came to me.

You have to give up wearing your make-up.

I have to do what?

You have to go without that Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara that earns you compliments for your eyes.
You have to not dust that sparkle blush across your cheeks.
You have to not line the bottom and tops of your lids with the charcoal pen.
You have to not cover that HUGE pimple you have on your chin today.

You will have to look at yourself in the mirror for the next 40 days and know that you are God's beloved inside and out, and not hold on the fear that is in your heart and that covers your face each morning.

You will have to call out to HIM when you feel insecure about your body, because we all know it is not just about the blush on your cheeks that satisfies your hunger to look and feel good.

You have to give up wearing your make-up and trust in the love that comes from your Father, believing that how HE sees you will always be enough.

There will be more in the days to come - but for now, and for the next 40 days (which by the way include a good friends wedding, a reunion weekend in Phoenix with some of my best girl friends, and 5 teaching times in Sunday SYNC) I will be WITHOUT MAKE-UP.

You should know, in the same breath I am feeling completely terrified and at peace.
Amen.

Hello, My Name Is: Long-Winded

So recently, and by recently I mean the past four days I have been really thinking about myself and this life that I get the privilege to live.  I have been looking in life's 'closet' so to speak and am starting to sort through all the many things that it holds.  I have also been reading a ton of Christian articles/blogs, speaking to my mentors/friends, and taking time to be with the Lord in complete stillness. 

This post is really going to be nothing other than a brief compilation of a few simple things: words of wisdom (not from me), facts that I discovered this week, and finally a list of things that I love (being it was Valentines day this week AND they are just things I need to celebrate more often). 

Are you a closet filler like me? For the past ten years, probably more, I have been putting EVERYTHING and anything into my life closet - the good, bad, ugly, painful, & joys of life. There have been a few instances over the course of these ten years that in BIG ways stuff has come spilling out, but mostly overall - the closet has just gotten more full.  

So - discovery number one: Sara has not really cried in 5 years - the flood gates opened and I have cried a river. Crying is healthy - it is so good for your soul, and more than anything and if nothing else, I can see this now. 

Discovery two: you are not perfect Sara, you are not always put together, and sometimes you just need to give it up, get it out, and surrender. Word. 

God is so good - He just shows up and punches in you the throat in the best way. This week He has come through music, my reading both of the Bible AND the thoughts of some talented writers, AND through the words of love and wisdom from friends. 

Wisdom(TRUTH) number one: "Sara, I am thanking God right now, looking up to Him and giving my thanks. I am thankful that He has given you this incredible gift of discernment- sharpening  your heart and soul. AND YOU HAVE TO HONOR THAT, even though I know how painful and lonely it might feel and be. But Sara HE LOVES YOU enough to put those thoughts within you... He must be up to something good, something big. So be still, and wait." 


Thought: If in fact the above is true - do I have what I need within me to honor God and the discernment He has given me? I pray with sweet surrender and with all that I am, that I do.

Wisdom number two: "Name those bottles in your closet." Every single day. Start working through that closet, because if you do not - it could be catastrophic - even though you would probably 'handle' it anyway.  


Wisdom number three: "Quick - if there was one thing you could change about your life RIGHT now, what would it be?" - (yeah I couldn't answer, cause I am an over-analyzer) BUT towards the end of the moment I know I need to be asking myself this question AT least once a day, if not more, and then RUN with passion towards making it happen - even if that only means one small step at a time. 


When the days are long, when I feel stuck in a rut, when I feel alone, or weary hearted I am going to remember that I love life - and these things make it possible:
-Music from the 90's
-My 'Soul Time' play list 
-The Song "Your Love Never Fails"
-Starbucks & Sonic
-time with much wiser Christian woman (who take time to pour into my life)
-Baking (and) Baking OUR way to Orange
-Monday night Old Testament One
-Wednesday Lunch 
-Starbucks (the place, not the drink)
-Going to the movies
-Working out & actually staying on track with Weight Watchers (which I fail at a LOT)
-Writing
-Family and Friends 
-Thinking of new ways to be excellent for our Middle School Students & Leaders
-Leggings and Dresses
-Target
-Long drives with the music up
-My Grandparents and the love and constant generosity
-A good nights rest
-The joy giving away my food brings to my heart
-And MOSTLY the never ending LOVE of my Jesus 


... I could go on and If as I think of more, I might. For now, this is one LONG post mainly about not very much. 


Love you all! 
-S

Student Ministry Thought of the Day!

Hi. Forgive me, I have been away for awhile. What is on my mind at this exact moment? 

Student Ministry. 

Last week this gal I know who is in college and pursing a career in ministry asked me if she could interview me for one of her college projects. The specifics included thoughts about an internship (that we both, at different times, held positions in) and my life in ministry now. Today, in this short post, I am going to share one of the questions she asked me. There are several that I think could produce great topics for blog writing, but for now - just this one. AND in fact I think that it is a question that as a person in ministry, I should be asking myself - IF YOU ARE IN MINISTRY YOU SHOULD BE ASKING YOURSELF - often...everyday, each week, whenever you are able. 

----

Question: What was one or two of your most rewarding experiences working with adolescents? 

ANSWER: The best thing that I have ever experienced in ministry (and it has only happened a few times) is when a student just ‘gets it’ -- connects Jesus to his or her life in a way that they never have before.

This past year I have been teaching through the ENTIRE Bible with a teen curriculum called The Story. We were talking about the ten plagues God sent to Egypt and we got to number 10 (death to all the firstborns in Egypt). I explained about the Passover Lamb and talked about the symbolism of Jesus and how He saved us, just like the ‘lamb’ saved the firstborns that night in Egypt. (I LOVE nothing more than to connect the Old Testament to the New Testament) – and this student of mine, after I got done explaining it all, threw his fist up in the air (kind of like a pump) and was like “YES! Jesus has ALWAYS been with us” --- and man, to witness such an ‘ah-ha’ moment – is something I will cherish forever, something that on the hard days, reminds me why I am in ministry.
---
Church, well it is messy folks... right now at my church, we are going through a huge change and transition (AGAIN). It wears on ya soul for crying out loud. Ministry can be hard and painful and full of disappointments. You can go months feeling like you are in a valley. You can go to worship every Sunday and not really worship. You can 'do ministry' everyday and never really DO any ministry. Being in ministry is hard. In fact lately that is what my mind has fixated on. How can we change this, this part stinks, at my church we do this wrong, and this needs to change, and this sucks, and people.. blah blah blah. It becomes SO easy to focus on what is wrong rather than to think of all that is right. So, what is right?

"YES! Jesus has ALWAYS been with us!" 

This moment was right, and for today instead of thinking of all the things that are 'wrong' I am going to remember WHY I am in ministry and the many things that are SO RIGHT about what I get the privilege of doing every day. 

Are you remembering what is right? What is good? What has been a game changer? What makes all the wrongs SO WORTHWHILE? 

I hope so. If not, try it. It will make all the difference. And hey George (my sweet student) thanks for the reminder. 

New Growth; Life after the fire...

... taken from our Christmas Advent Devotional.  I pulled from a blog I had written back in April and added a few tad-bits and this was how it came out. You can check it out in our official Grace Pres Advent Devotional - or you can just read below- however I would suggest picking it up if you can, because there are many great days of reading within! 

I have been thinking a lot about what it means for a farmer to set his field on fire. It humbles me to think about the courage that it must take to light that first match. Many times farmers will set their fields a blaze – not because they are ‘walking on the wild side’ but because it is what is necessary for new and abundant growth to take place the next season.

Can you imagine? You are standing on your lively-hood and all in about 5 minutes the whole place is rolling with flames. Most of the time we do everything we can to prevent such a thing from happening – but not these farmers. They have to do something so scary, so drastic, and so crazy, in order for new life to emerge.

There are so many things about this that make me think of my life this past year. I have gone through LOTS of change… at work, in friendships, and with myself. It is like I am dealing with my own personal fire. Like I am standing a midst the flames, often finding it hard breath, and most certainly finding it hard to see it’s initial advantage for my life.  Facing the fire is rough. When you look around and see what appears to be complete devastation – it is almost impossible to imagine the new life, the possibilities, and all the good that could come from such blaze.

As we enter this time of Advent, I am reminded of a certain, beautiful promise – Jesus.  This promise of a Savior to come was made to worn down, broken, mistake makin’, fire facing people.  This same promise is offered to you and me today. Jesus is our courage when we face the fire. Jesus is the match that helps light that fire. Jesus is the flame in our hearts to keep going in the midst of the smoke. Jesus is the new growth that comes up from the ashes. Jesus is the promise that we must cling to when the flames around us seem unbearable. 

It is crazy to think that something so seemingly devastating could be exactly what is needed for new growth to take place. It is even crazier to think that the things that we go through are completely necessary for us to thrive in the next season of our life.

Maybe your facing a fire now, maybe the last flame just went out, or maybe you are seeing the abundant growth around you – whatever it is, I encourage you to remember the promises of our Savior. He is with you now, was with you then, and will be with you always. 

Amen. 

Pharaoh, Pharaoh... OHHH BABY!

Have you ever read the book of Exodus? Well, I can now say that I have. Get. Excited. I mean I have really read through, studied, compared the meaning of the Hebrew words -- ahhh the text is SO RICH. 

Well I want to talk about our friend, good ol' Pharaoh. Ya know, "Pharaoh, Pharaoh, OHHH baby, let my people go. HUHHH, yah...yah... yah..." (had to drop that in here) Anyway, Pharaoh. That dude who was enslaving people making them build massive temples of adoration to none other than himself. The one and only who believed himself to be a god, a god who controlled the sun. That is our guy! Big round of applause people- this guy is a winner! 

Ok, so maybe he's not a winner, but I do think there is something we can take away from knowing Pharaoh - or at least that I can take away from all of this Exodus reading I have been doing. 

Many times throughout the struggle between Moses and Pharaoh we read of "God hardening Pharaoh's heart" and I think if I was just to plainly read it and move on it would not mean that much to me; maybe other than this being why it took so long to get the Israelites out of Dodge.  But the past few days it has just been on my mind constantly. What does it mean for God to harden Pharaoh's heart? 

I think after a few weeks of thought I have come to a simple conclusion - that is really kind of a 'duh' moment, but nevertheless... God hardens Pharaoh's heart for what I believe to be one really crazy beautiful reason - to show HIS glory.  If Mo had just walked up to Pharaoh, sang his ditty and P-dizzle was like "Yo- I WILL -let yo people go" then would the Israelites gotten to see very much of God's glory, nope. 

God is big and mighty, and does as He pleases, WHEN and HOW he pleases. But man did He get this right. By hardening Pharaoh's heart, it allowed for 10 times more of an impact that it would have, if he had the grace to just let the people go. My favorite part of Pharaoh's story is found at the edge of the Red Sea as he and all his men are swept away by the crashing waves. You see, Pharaoh did let the people go, but what led him to chase after them? Oh, that was God - hardening his heart. 

At the very end of Exodus (after this last attempt from Pharaoh) it says that after the Israelites had witnessed what God had done with the Egyptians that they finally BELIEVED GOD WAS WHO HE SAID HE WAS - no longer were they walking alone, God showed His rich glory and protection and now He would 'try' to lead them to the life He always longed for them to have.

AWE-SOME. But hey what does that have to do with you or me? Well let me tell you (as my long windedness has already runneth ova). 

Has God ever hardened your heart so that you might just have a clearer view of HIS GLORY? I am not saying that I am my own personal Pharaoh - I mean I actually do believe in and fear God. But seriously I think that there have been many days, or even periods in my life that God has hardened my heart.  Call me crazy but sometimes I am not compassionate. Sometimes I am mean. Sometimes pride empties my heart so much that I forget that the only vacancy I need to fill it with is Jesus. Sometimes I am judgmental, stubborn, greedy, angry, the works you name it. But what I love about God so much is that it is through those times that He knocks me out with His love. It is seeing His compassion, His Grace, His love, His Just-ness, His generosity, and hope that re-sets my wandering heart ablaze. 

Again, call me crazy, but I think God may have a purpose for my hard heart - and I think that just like our buddy the Pharaoh, it is to show us, to show the world HIS GLORY. And that my friends is beautiful because I am not any of those good things mentioned above, apart from my Savior. 

Amen.

Wedding Photography

I will sum it up in 8 Words.

Is
Hard
Beautiful
Time
Consuming
Totally
Worth
It.

His Princess - Letters From Your King; A Letter to Myself.

My all time favorite devotional is one called "His Princess, Letters from Your King". It is a book of letters written to someone, from the perspective of God to His Daughter, His Princess.  I have been having a hard time as of late, on ALL fronts, and for whatever reason - crazy as it might seem, I just decided to write myself a letter, and this is what came out. Sometimes, God shows up in crazy ways.  Hey (God), thanks for that.

...

Dear Sara,
You are having a hard time right now, I know. It's going to be ok. Remember what you wrote at the beginning of June, in that blog you write? No, well let me remind you:

"We are facing times that might not be easy, that might be hard for us to face, and that might at times seem unbearable. Through it all it might seem ugly and to some like complete devastation.  But what I try to remember every day is not the green fields or the summer sunsets of yesterday, but the new growth that will bust its way through the dirt completely unexpected, beautiful and completely nourished. Then, before you know it life and growth will be so abundant that people will not even remember the fire that almost consumed them. "

Do not let yourself be consumed by the fire - hang in there. In the thick of the dust, of the ash, of every moment that seems like weight of the world my crumble down upon you, hold on. Hold on to Me. I am fighting for you. I am here with you. Always.... Every. Single. Second. 

Take down your wall. I know it is hard to hurt, to be fragile. But I have made you complete and whole, lacking nothing. You might think you are broken, incapable, and alone - but you are not. I am with you, to the very end of the age.  Move forward, break your walls down, do what you find impossible- it's possible. You are strong, you are courageous, you are Mine.

There are going to be hard days head, there are going to be moments of celebration, of pain, of emmence joy - you can make it through. Sara, with Me - you can conquer this fire. You will break through the ash, and I know with full certainty that something magnificant will come of it. Just wait. Be still, and know that I am fighting for you, with you, right beside you.

Love,
Your Maker.

The Help, A Renewed Opportunity to Love Blindly.

It has been a long summer, but it sure flew by.

Well I have officially been out of touch for months, yes month(S). Sorry about that.  I forgot to have a blog, you actually have to take the time to jot things down - whoops. So on the time went, flying by ya know, without a single a, e, i, o or thumb click of the space bar.  So right now, 940PM on a Wednesday night, we meet again.  Hello :)

So, I just got home from seeing The Help, and boy let me tell you it was so incredibly amazing, it touched my heart in a way that no movie has since The Blind Side, or maybe Crash - or even August Rush. So, needless to say my heart is just overflowing with thoughts - a ton of which are on the marvelous and heart breaking adventure that I just took in the theater across the street.

The Help was undoubtedly one of the best movies I have ever seen and I would recommend that just as my lovely friend said only moments ago "that anyone with a pulse should see this movie".   I am filled to the brim with thoughts right now and I guess this is where I am going to sort them out- and I will try not to preface along the way.

Oh - and before I continue please read the storyline for the movie:
Set in Mississippi during the 1960s, Skeeter (Stone) is a southern society girl who returns from college determined to become a writer, but turns her friends' lives -- and a Mississippi town -- upside down when she decides to interview the black women who have spent their lives taking care of prominent southern families.

Here we go...

My first thought after the lights brightened up in the theater was a thought that pained my gut. I thought to myself, "Oh my goodness, there are members of own family, who still believe that all people are not equal." My next thought was even worse, "...and rarely do I have the courage to do anything about it." This is a problem.

You know, most of the time I would just sit back and say, "I am so glad we have moved past a time when the color of your skin determined your worth." Or even when I did get all fired up about something that someone close to me would remark over, having to do with someone of a different race, I would calm myself down or be be calmed down by saying or hearing "Well they are just from a different generation", "It was a different time back then Sara", "They are just too old to change their ways and thoughts", "It is just different in the South, people just view things different".

But now here I am tonight, and I just find myself with an achy heart.  Because while we no longer live in a society of announced segregation we still fall into the traps of silent separations.  People's worth is still being defined every day, and not usually by the heart they have or the soul within.

Everyone has an opinion.

People are judged everyday on who they 'are' ...

White. Gay. Straight. Married. Divorced. Black. Nerd. Athletic. Homeless. Hispanic. Rich. Asian. Fat. Short. Single. Woman.

I too feel it. 

Obviously some of the items from the list above have weighed more heavily than others, both in past and present culture, but nevertheless at the core the narrow-mindedness lives on. 

We might have come along way - I too celebrated the day Obama became the President, what a day in History, what a day for those wonderful women who used to be the help, what a day for us all - or at least it should have been.

You know, it might not any longer be about the allowance of shared water fountains, but it is still there, and in more ways than just 'Black and White'.  We can look at the past and say "Oh look at how far we have come" but we are just moving the focus, and like I said everyone has an opinion.

So I sit here tonight in my blue chair feeling weary, because I cannot write an end to this story. I cannot find resolution for the judgements that happen everyday, to you, to me, and so many others. It stinks really. Will there every be a time where someones worth will not be determined by the color of their skin, the mate they choose, how handsome a face they have, or the size of their waistline? As the years go on will our focus continue to shift, at the time better for one, but ultimately not better for all?

I just don't know.

But I do know one thing, Jesus was blind. Not in the sense that His contacts were old, but on how He loved. Not to say that Jesus did not see, be that He did.  Jesus chose to see with His heart and not His eyes; He chose to love unconditionally. Jesus was blind to color, blind to race, blind to gender, blind to preference, blind to looks - and through that blindness He loved; He saw the heart and souls of people - and to Him that is what mattered.

You might not be religious, or even a Christian, but confident I say this, and as boldly to myself:

Learn to love blindly.

Learn to love with your heart and not your eyes, learn to love others as you love yourself, and learn be courageous to change if you are not these things already.

Only then will we see a difference.

I love movies like The Help. Its movies like this that stir things wildly in our hearts, serving as a reminder to the mistakes of our past, opening our eyes the the present, and giving us a renewed opportunity to shape the future.  

KCI & JO JO? Yep! Memories From My 7th Grade Year

Wait? What is that I hear?

Honey...I'll Be Missing You... Mo Money Mo Problems... MmmBop...Quit Playing Games With My Heart... 

No wait, it's:

"I will never find another lover more precious than you, more precious than you... Girl you are close to me you're like my brother, close to me, you're like my sister... You are the only one my everything and for you this song I sing... ALL MY LIFE I've prayed for someone like you..."

Top 40 from my 7th grade year? Umm, yes please. In fact right this very moment I have a strange urge to make a new play-list entitled "Wide Legs and Roller Rinks"... then I will jam out to it as loud as possible while hosting a dance party in my living room.

Get. Excited!

This past week I chaperoned a dance and boy did it send me back about 14 years. 

... I wore the widest leg pants you could imagine.  I would spend Wednesday, Friday, & Saturday evenings at the skating rink, eating cheese sticks, drinking cokes with slush-puppy ice, playing shoot the duck, and hoping that Bobby Luna would pick me for a dance around the circle during snowball. 

We would walk the mall every Saturday; ten bucks in hand ready and excited to buy the latest accessories from Claire's and hoping that we would see this week's crush at the Tilt (our malls arcade). 

Oh and let me not forget the moment that changed my life. It was dark, the smell of popcorn was in the air, and in the warmth of a packed theater I sat there staring at the dreamiest guy I had ever seen. It was then that my heart stopped and a single tear graced my cheek.  He was looking with great desperation into the eyes of a soaking wet red-head saying, "I'll never let go Rose, I'll never let go".

I would have sleepovers, makeovers, school dances, and tears about boys to boot. I walked to school, passed notes, stood in the lunch-line, and made friendships I never thought would end.  I also laughed so hard I thought my stomach would fall out, I liked a boy so much it hurt, and had the best friend a girl could ask for.

I had my first ever 1 inch wide highlights, I had braces on my teeth, and I wore shoes with 4inch soles. Going to the movie cost $7 and that would cover my movie, drink, popcorn AND Junior Mints. I would bring 25 cents with me to use the payphone at the mall to call my mom to pick me up. 

These were the days. 

Perhaps though the memory that outshines any other is from a single moment in my 7th grade math class. On this particular day I had brought a sticker booklet to school, filled with shapes, hearts, smiley faces, and pretty silver stars. It was the week before school got out. I sat in the front row, the desk closet to the door.  Behind me sat the boy I had liked every day of that year. Somewhere in the midst of me pulling off one of those yellow smiley face stickers the boy behind me asked to see my booklet. I am sure that my cheeks reddened as I passed it backwards. He spent a few moments looking through it's pages and then asked me to close my eyes, turn around and give him my hand. I could have died happy at that second but I was spared, for what came next was one of the sweetest and simplest moments of my life to date.  

My eyes were closed, his one hand holding mine and his other placing a sticker right in the middle of the top of my hand. He said, "Ok open your eyes", but I wanted to savor the moment even if but a second longer. So with my eyes closed I rotated back forward facing the door. I took a breath, opened my eyes, and looked down at my hand. There it was ... not a smiley face or one of the silvery sparkle stars, it was much better. The boy I had liked for 9 months had just given me the only pink heart sticker that the book had. 

After that we then held hands, spent together many dances (leaving room for Jesus of course), and savored the sweetness that was Junior High as boyfriend and girlfriend - we would be together forever... well maybe only for two weeks, but as a 13 year old, those two weeks felt like a thousand years.

It might seem silly but in 7th grade it meant the world to me, and last Friday night as I heard the music playing and watched the students sway back and forth I was reminded of what it felt like to be in that place many years ago. What sweet memories. 

Ah, 7th grade. I guess the only thing I have left to say is that "my heart did go on"... even through all the tears, the laughter, best friends, skating rinks, wide leg jeans, and that unforgettable, cute boy in my math class.

 

Studio Movie Grill - 2 Down... 4 To Go.

Studio Movie Grill = Winner!

I love this place and for the record in the last year I have only paid full price for a move there ONE, I repeat ONE time.

I have probably seen 10 FREE movies
10 $6 or less movies, bundled with a free soda

Get excited for SMG. I know I sure am. Here is the link!

Saw XMen First Class tonight - yes, $6 - and boy was it great! I give it a 10! (minus Kevin Bacon. What a strange guy, no?)

Here are some SMG tips:

• Groupon - sign up for daily deals, that is where most of my 5-6$$ tickets have come from
• Facebook - every month they give away free tickets - if you get one it admits two - Whitney and I always share so we then see AT LEAST 2 free movies a month - and then Whitney's fabulous mom gives us hers too! Yay Aunt Cynthia. 
• Facebook AGAIN - if you are a 'fan' of SMG you have access to their weekly specials - aka 6.25 for a movie and a drink - and most of the time the moves are a week old new release. 
• As soon as you sit down push your button - be ready to order your food and drink!
• Tell them if you want any sort of extra sauce right at the beginning, or else you will not get it. 
• Order your drink and a water - that way you are never without - because they are slow on keepin up with the drinks... 3/4 the way through your drink of choice press your button for a re-fill.
• Buffalo Chicken tenders = delish, that is all I ever get. Extra ranch. 
• If you are going to see a movie, esp. a MUST SEE, on an opening weekend, go EARLY. If you do not have a groupon, facebook, or other coupon and you plan on pay full price, there is also reserved seating if you buy your tickets online. 
• Sit at the counter seating, not the table, it just is awkward with them big office chairs. Yes, office chairs, that is what you sit in... it rocks. (quite literally) 
• Just park on the roof, it is easier that way. 

It's awesome. Go check it out. As a part B to this post, I am going to sooner or later post my summer movie choices.

For now? Well watch tomorrow, well tonight's (it's 12:17AM) MTV Movie Awards they are showing a clip from Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1 - Hooray!


Much love to you all my movie fans!

• 
  

One Down...6 To Go.

Man, who is a serious slacker? Yep that would be me. Life has been crazy. In the words of my favorite blogger, PW, "blog often, or you will never blog". This is so true. There is a list of things I have been wanting to write about:

7th Grade
Studio Movie Grill
The Cooking Project
Crappy Online Dating
Orange
New Working Sitty
Friendship


...but sitting down to write about any of them, well there just has not been time.

Maybe I will write 7 posts right now. I have energy. I had a Dr. Pepper, and well a re-fill - 90 days of awesome will power, gone.  It's ok, I still feel like I have broken my 'drink anything but water' habits. Ok moving on.

This post will be about... Crappy Online Dating. (Chosen as I closed my eyes and moved my finger up and down, up and down, up and down, stopped and landed there) ...very scientific.

---

Who can even remember when the sails caught the wind on my online dating adventure, but let me tell you the engine is fading. It is a LOT of work; sorting through matches, reading profiles, answering questions, and sending responses/receiving little to no responses. I mean I truly would love to meet someone online - but it is really hard. I know I can be real with you, I mean why not, right?

Rejection. Yep. That is the sitty I am facing. At least when I was not dating, or meeting any single men, I was not facing rejection. It is kind of a blow to a girls ego.  There was one guy, and he was a winner - I mean the guy I have probably liked the most since starting this saga - well let me tell you, things were going great, emails had been sent, whit and banter, flirting and fun were being passed over the tips of our fingers - and then one day... nothing. No email back, no match closed, just stinkin' nothing. Suckfest. And I am not going to turn in to some neurotic stalker and send email after email saying "Winner? What happened? Do you not want to marry me!?" Ha. No, it is what it is and I am smart enough to recognize "he is just not that..." you know the drill. But here I am, over a month later, still wondering.

Crap.

Then, ok so I go on a date this past week. Great guy, seriously. Funny, established, sweet.....
Romantic chemistry.?

None. Nada. Zipola.

Crap.

6 new matches today, 12 yesterday, 3 the day before... same story over and over. Out of those there are probably 6-8 that I would like to get to know more... so I "send a smile" or a short little email, and what happens. Nothing. No response.

Crap (yep. bitter party of, well... me)

I am also realizing how much 'looks' play into first impressions. I am not as shallow as some and I have definitely been guilty of this once or twice, but truly I would never just pass someone by completely determined on how they look. As my profile reads 'full figured' I get 'archived' almost immediately. I hate to even type this, but it is the reality of what I am facing. Am I going to have to become someone else to find 'the one'? Maybe. Is this also a blow to myself, my ego, my heart, my pride - yes. I could cry, and that is ok, but I won't sit here an pretend that being overweight has not aided in my lack of dates, and even though I could change this about myself, does it make it any less unfair? No.

Crap. (Crash diet?) No, but it has crossed my mind. ha.

I know, I just complained maybe more than I should have- but this is where I vent my feelings - and I hope that is ok.

Any who, I am not throwing in the towel just yet, I just wanted to give you my current status for this interesting adventure.

.... well, one down six to go.

Oh and BT-dubbs please follow this link and vote for Miss NM. Thanks.
http://www.missuniverse.com/missusa/members/profile/585169/year:2011/

Kenneth - The eHarmony 'Flex Match'

I would like to call this post, "Kenneth, the 'Flex Match'.

What is a Flex Match you might ask? Well, please let me give you the complete, official eHarmony explanation:

You see, Kenneth is somewhere there on the left, the green man if you will, but if you ask me he is somewhere else completely. Oh eHarm, what on earth were you thinking?

I would be doing you a complete disservice if I did not include my favorite portions from his profile. Oh my, here we go.

Kenneth, at age 34 is an artist and a writer, stands a short 5'3 and is a non-smoker. Doing good so far Kenny. The most influential person in his life is "God, Jesus, and my friends. why? because they all give me a more meaningful life." I can buy that, ok go on. 

The thing Kenneth is most passionate about: (quoting so that I leave nothing out)
"hello I am passionate about art, reading, writing, helping others, activism, volunteering, religion, sex, walking, swimming, live action role-playing, movies, tv, dining out, cuddling, and massaging"

Ohhhhhhhhhhh Kenny you had me at hello? 

Wrong.

Going on. Kenneth would like us to know some additional information about himself, he describes this in MANY words below:

"I like to meet like-minded open-minded ladies with similiar interests that I have. I like to have fun. For example, I like to dine out, watch movies, romantic strolls on the beach, bowling, sensual massages, cuddling, hugging, kissing, and getting to know other people better. My favorite color is red and my favorite foods are chinese and japanese. I am as open-minded as a human being can get. I'm so open-minded, that I do not mind if my dates are straight or bisexual, monagamous or polygamous. I believe honesty, good communication and loyalty are very important for a good relationship. I'm looking for a long-term commited relationship."

I don't think a polygamous and committed are synonymous when it comes to a relationship Kenny. But I mean let's not get hung up there... Red is one of my favorite colors too!

And the last part from this riveting tale from "People of eHarm"...

The last book that Kenneth enjoyed reading was, "Star Trek role-playing material :) I'll try to get a full membership on may 1st so i can communicate with you. please be patient. xoxoxoxo"

Well, there is not enough patience in the world Kenny.


XOXOXO
-S

For those of you who need a visual, my bffl drew a MS Paint Kenneth for you.

The Fire

Please read past the intro - and if you must, skip the intro and go to the second part. You will be glad you did. 

Happy Monday, or Tuesday, depending on when you are reading this. First, you should know that I have a stomachache. Why? I don’t know, you just should.  Second, I am going to apologize for my lack of writing. Things have been CRAZY as of late and I just have not had as much time as I would have liked to peruse this writing adventure, BUT alas here we are and we are back in business.

1.     I failed at April’s cooking challenge – I made exactly NO bread. None. Maybe this month? Who knows… I did make 90 Tres Leche cupcakes though – and boy were they yummy!

2.     Orange was amazing – a post THIS week to follow.

3.     Change - it's happening. POST BELOW.

Beautiful melody? Can you hear it right now? It is the music that is being played as I transition into my actual blog posting for today… La da deeeee la la la deee daa de la de daaa…

 ---

Change. We all go through it but sometimes it is hard to see the end when the present is so vividly staring right at you.  The past few months have been wrapped with change and transition for Grace.  Grace is my church, my faith community, where I worship. It’s my friends, my family, my work… it is a HUGE part of my life – the biggest in fact.

To put it most simply Grace is going through a shift, changes are happing and transitions are taking place. It is not an easy time. Now, does this mean it is not a good time, no, it just means it is not always simple.  The bar has been raised, the match has been struck, and we are on the ‘move’.

I recently read a novel about a woman who falls in love with her perfect cowboy (ha, now do I wish this was me, maybe) back on topic – In this novel the cowboy works a ranch…cows, horses, the works. Well part of being a rancher is keeping up the land and with this comes great responsibility. In order to keep the land fertile for new growth and substance for the animals, great, sometimes seemingly crazy things have to happen. One of those things goes something like this: light a fire, burn everything back down to dirt, re-soil, re-till, re-plant, re-do.  It seems to me that for the most part we try to avoid burning things down- we go out of our way to prevent wild fires, house fires, land fires, but in this instance the fire is the very thing that is required for maximum potential of the land.

The match is flung into the fields and the fire begins to burn. Before you know it you are feeling heat like you never have before, so hot that it seems unbearable to face. It burns and maybe even for a moment you fear that it might lose control.  Then, after the flames have gone down and the smoke has billowed through the air you begin to start breathing again, but only then to notice what looks like complete devastation.  Ash and dirt blow through the air, and smells of scorched earth fill your nostrils.  Its ugly, its messy to the touch.  This period of in between wraps your heart with sorrow because what is now black used to be filled with green fields and summer sunsets.  This is the real test, can you see beyond the black, the ugly, the burn and remember that it is what lies beneath it all that matters? That after the rain and thunderstorms have passed, washed and nourished the land that something magnificent will happen. Just like that, one day as the wind blows, the smallest trace of life will break through the dirt and before you know it fields of green will be all that you see…

This is what I believe is happening right now as change and transition become a big part of our daily lives, at least speaking for myself.  We are facing times that might not be easy, that might be hard for us to face, and that might at times seem unbearable. Through it all it might seem ugly and to some like complete devastation.  But what I try to remember every day is not the green fields or the summer sunsets of yesterday, but the new growth that will bust its way through the dirt completely unexpected, beautiful and completely nourished. Then, before you know it life and growth will be so abundant that people will not even remember the fire that almost consumed them. 

The match has been struck, we are facing the fire, and I am nothing but ready to see how God uses this time to prepare us for something bigger and greater than we could have imagined otherwise. 

Much love my friends and to anyone who is facing the fire, 

Sara