Lent: "I have to do what?!"

Lent. Formerly know to me as the 40 days my mom gives up sweets - well except those 'peanut butter things from the DQ'... No but seriously. It occurred to me that I never REALLY thought about what it meant to participate the ritual sacrificing of something for Lent - and even better yet, the reasoning behind it.

My precious Mimi gives up chocolate every year, so when I was a teen I thought I should do the same. When I was in college I would give up soda, and in more recent years I have 'given-up' things like Starbucks, Fast Food, etc. Sometimes I would succeed and sometimes, most times I would end up quitting half way through. Anyway, so naturally as I awoke this Lenten morning I thought to myself, "Sara- it is Ash Wednesday - the beginning of Lent, what the heck are we going to try to give up this year?" This thought was followed by, "eh- I think nothing, I will just grab that drink from Starby's in a fit of desperation and lack of discipline in about 3 weeks anyway... so, good morning it's Wednesday!"

But and despite all my efforts to forget that it was this Ashy day God just kept tapping my shoulder - not saying anything specific, BUT specific in cause... tap... tap... tap... Lent.. Lent ... Lent. I even went as far as to ask Eric to talk about this important day in our Middle School Chapel service this morning because I just did not want to think about it - didn't know enough about it... just did not want to Lent it up.  Well, just as soon as I asked him to speak, on said topic, I went back into my office and there it was in my email - an article on the purpose, position, and the portion you gain from participating in the 40 days Lent.

Over the course of the afternoon I began to think about this Lenten quest, the times I have failed it before, and what, if anything I would sacrifice for 40 days. You see the thing is even when I have given something up in the past it always seems to be replaced by something else... So no soda, that's ok you can have iced tea. No Starbucks, well there is that Sonic right around the corner. No chocolate, well shoot how about one of those 'peanut butter things from the DQ'. 

The 40 days of Lent are meant to be a time of true sacrifice. Like the article I read today said, it should push you to the limits of your faith, strengthening your faith muscles, so that when you become desperate the one thing thing that you cling to is God. In my previous Lent participation's, I was doing a lot of REPLACING and not a lot of RELYING on God. I had it all wrong.

Now that I understood this I knew that whatever I was to sacrifice had to actually be a sacrifice for me. This is hard. I live in a world of not needing things, of being able to eat out when I want, going on vacations every once in a while, having a Starbucks Gold card, the unlimited AT&T data plan - I truly want for nothing. I feel completely satisfied and have not ever lived a life of sacrifice. And while I feel utterly overwhelmed by the amount of blessings and provisions I have had in my life it makes it hard to understand true sacrifice.

So then I asked myself, "what is something in your life that you could give up, that could not be replaced by something else, that would cause you to feel desperation for God in a way like never before, what do you place security in, what do you value, what is something that might define you...?"

And - like a hot flash in the midst of winter, and with already complete anxiety over just typing the words now, it came to me.

You have to give up wearing your make-up.

I have to do what?

You have to go without that Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara that earns you compliments for your eyes.
You have to not dust that sparkle blush across your cheeks.
You have to not line the bottom and tops of your lids with the charcoal pen.
You have to not cover that HUGE pimple you have on your chin today.

You will have to look at yourself in the mirror for the next 40 days and know that you are God's beloved inside and out, and not hold on the fear that is in your heart and that covers your face each morning.

You will have to call out to HIM when you feel insecure about your body, because we all know it is not just about the blush on your cheeks that satisfies your hunger to look and feel good.

You have to give up wearing your make-up and trust in the love that comes from your Father, believing that how HE sees you will always be enough.

There will be more in the days to come - but for now, and for the next 40 days (which by the way include a good friends wedding, a reunion weekend in Phoenix with some of my best girl friends, and 5 teaching times in Sunday SYNC) I will be WITHOUT MAKE-UP.

You should know, in the same breath I am feeling completely terrified and at peace.
Amen.